oh, public education...

today was: the beginning of the discovery of the extent to which education is ruled by bureaucracy and bullshit. why do we suck so much at this game?

i'm not saying i have all the answers. and i'm not saying we are necessarily worse than anyone else. but something has got to give. the way things are now, is not helping kids be better. it's not helping teachers be better. it is making it difficult for good teachers to be good teachers.

i want to teach kids. i don't want to waste my time turning in bullshit paperwork under the facade of accountability. that is time i could be spending helping kids.

i think part of what really bothers me, is that we have all of these rules and regulations and guidelines and policies. and we all put up a good front. we smile and nod and turn in the things we're asked for. but when we go into our rooms and close our doors, almost every teacher is picking and choosing, following just enough to not get in trouble and disregarding the rest. our focus is getting the kids what they need. sometimes the district is really helpful in that regard. sometimes it is really not.

what bothers me about this is that it's such a facade. if no one is really following all of these things anyway, then what's the point? can we set it up somehow so that there are the guidelines and support that are needed, but in a way that teachers can really use and follow? actually follow. what are teachers already doing that will tell the policy-makers the things they need to know, without requiring extra asinine paperwork that is supposed to tell you what we are doing, but essentially means nothing? can we please align these things a bit more? is anyone even asking the teachers? it's unfortunate that not a lot of teachers feel inclined to go into politics. (really, i find politics to be kind of unfortunate in and of itself, but that's another rant.)

now, i don't want anyone to think that i'm proposing that we have no restraints or guidelines for our education system. even good teachers need support and guidelines to help inform their practice. and i understand that having district or schoolwide policies in place is important in saving everyone from a lot of legal trouble (which is also a rant for another day). there are also quality control issues to consider. i fully support accountability of teachers. i just want it to be authentic and meaningful. i'm more than happy to turn in and do things that are actually helpful and meaningful for my job. which is to teach children and create good citizens. but i don't want to waste my time on things that, in the end, are nothing but not helpful b.s.

is there a way to balance the accountability and guidelines of a district with the freedom teachers need to be really stellar?




see also this TED talk about rules gone bad: http://www.ted.com/talks/paul_romer.html
Paul Romer is discussing cities, but i can't help relating his ideas about unfortunate policy to the educational system. i'm not sure about applying his solution to education on a widescale. charter schools come with their own problems. though it's something i'm willing to consider.

being slowly

s l o w . d o w n .
no reason to rush.
life is here.
it will be here.
enjoy it.
take each moment and enjoy it.

there is no point
in rushing to the next thing
so you can rush through it
to get to the next thing.
s l o w . d o w n .

why do anything at all
if you don't appreciate it while you are there?
anything worth doing
is worth the time it takes.
enjoy it.
value it.
all of it.

take it all in
savor life.
every moment.
every touch, every taste, every sound.
the sights and the smells.
you only get this combo once
be with it.
really with it.
let. the rest. Go.

home is the prairie

i'm having trouble remembering why i decided to come here. i think maybe it was for my friends. or the city? i'm not really sure.

when i left last summer i was surprised to find that houston had almost become more home than lincoln. all my friends and favorite restaurants were here. plus the driving. oh, i loved the driving. all that was left for me in nebraska was my mom, ivannacone and a handful of friends. not nearly enough to satisfy my adventurous soul. i couldn't possibly imagine staying there for more than just a visit.

but somewhere along the way, something changed, as things inevitably do, and my assumptions about myself and my life started to go out the window (a fact i have also found to be inevitable). and, as it turns out, i kind of really like nebraska. there is something about it that just feels good. there is something in the landscape that speaks to my soul and makes me happy. and you know what, i kind of like lincoln. i like that people are friendly. i like knowing my way around. i like that we have things like movies on the green and pinewood bowl and jazz in june. they make me happy.

and while i still can't believe that i can say this, i could maybe even live there one day. not now and not forever. i've got a lot of traveling to do. but you know what, somewhere down the line, it might be a good place to raise a family. when i get to that stage in my life, of course.

now, it's fair to note that i am probably suffering, in some part, from the-grass-is-always-greener syndrome. so far things in houston haven't quite been...ideal. this isn't quite the job i had envisioned for myself when i decided to come here. nor is our house quite what i was expecting, though it is adorable. and, of course, we have the TAKS. the Texas Assessment of Knowledge and Skills, also known as the bane of my existence and the reason i never wanted to teach in texas. yet, somehow, here i am.

i know that things will calm down. as i get my classroom in order and we finish unpacking our house, i will feel less and less unsettled. and soon i will have some time to rediscover all of the things i loved about houston. who knows, months from now i may never want to leave again.

for now, though i am representin' for you, nebraska, and sending much love northward. you've wormed your way into my soul and i'm fairly certain that no matter where i go, a part of me will always find comfort and solace in your wide open arms.

things i learned in china...

(i'm not sure if this is done yet, so check back for updates.)

• it's not better or worse, it's just different.
• i love chopsticks.
• it's amazing what you can communicate with a shared vocabulary of 10 words.
• taxicab and consumerist chinese - i can get home and i can buy things, what else do i really need?
• people can get used to pretty much anything.
• the rules and skills for bartering are highly relative to the location.
• in houston, all good things came in strip malls. in china, they come on mobile carts.
• grab/do it when you see it. it may be your only chance.
• nature makes me happy deep down in the pit of my soul.
• so do wide open spaces. but i think i already knew that.
• see also: rock music.
  
• in practice, buddhism can have way more rituals and deism than i ever realized.
• there are like 4 different kinds of eggplant.
• kindergarten is a wonderful place to start a teaching career, though i'm not sure i need to do it again.
• i've still got some things to learn about teaching.
• yoga is way better when you understand what the instructor is saying.
• this is a stereotype, but in my experience, japanese kids are adorable.
• 5-year-olds amaze and amuse me.
• my stomach, unfortunately, is not made of iron.
• life is always a trade-off. i love my adventures, but i hate missing everything at home.

home again, home again

so, i 've been back in america for a few weeks now and it seems like i should do some writing about how it feels to be back. mostly, it feels wonderful. it took a week to really feel it, but i'm very glad to be home right now. i kind of like this place. it's small and anything but metropolis, but i find some charm and comfort in that. i like being able to go watch old movies outside on a nice summer night. i appreciate the effort and talent that goes into the annual Pinewood Bowl production. and it's nice to once again be surrounded by people with whom i have a shared history. there's comfort in consistency.

that said, i am definitely seeing things with new eyes and finding that some things seem a bit different than when i left. and so, here is my list of things that seem strange or weird me out about being back in america (in no particular order):

• driving. it actually feels completely natural to be driving again. what else would you do here? however, i've noticed some things about my driving, as well as that of everyone else's. americans are all about multi-tasking while they drive. it makes me kind of nervous to observe all of the things that people do while they are supposed to be watching the road. i'm just as guilty as anyone, but still. i can't believe we don't have more accidents.

• speeding. i've always been one to drive fast. i've come to realize, though, that fast is relative. after never going more than 80kmph (about 50mph) for a year, i'm pretty content tooling around lincoln at 40mph. i'm also incredibly paranoid about getting pulled over. i have never been so worried about cops in my life as i was driving to and from houston last week. thank you, authoritarian china.

• i miss chopsticks. american food is no good for chopsticks.

• i will now eat just about anything. and kind of like it. this is partly due to the decreased sensitivity of tastebuds that comes with age. it is also related to a widening of my acceptable flavor palettes from living in multiple cultures. regardless, i've always identified kind of strongly with my food preferences and it's kind of weirding me out.

• change. in shanghai, nothing stays the same. every time i walk down my street at least one business has begun renovations or closed or started selling something completely different. this happens literally overnight. in lincoln, nothing ever changes. with the exception of about 10 businesses, everything is just the way i left it. which is nice, in a way. i can always find the things i want. but it kind of freaks me out that a place can remain so stagnant. how does that happen?

• dryers. this morning i thought about washing my sheets. then i thought, but where would i hang them to dry? will they be dry in time for bed? then i remembered that i am in america, a magical place where things dry in an hour.

• when i see asian people, in addition to trying to figure out where they are from, i feel a sort of kindredness that i'm sure they don't share.

• i can drink tap water, with ice - this is amazing! (amusingly, though, i generally prefer my water without ice now.)

• diversity. i can't get over how different everyone looks. so many ethnicities in one place!

• toilet paper. every bathroom has it. including the park. and it goes in the toilet. this is amazing! (it took almost a week for me to stop reflexively wanting to throw it in the trash can.)

• americans are fat. i know that's kind of mean, but collectively, it's true. we are also way less healthy than i remembered. in my head, america was a utopia of healthy eating. in reality, while that is possible, we eat just as much shit as the chinese. a different kind of shit, but shit nonetheless.

• i get kind of excited when i remember that i can be as frivolous as i want with my american gum because i can easily purchase more.

• i'm surprised by how not strange it is to eat apple skins. i used to peel these?

• target. a whole store full of clothes that i actually want to wear. every time i go i feel like a kid in a candy store. it's wonderful.

• american beds are amazing. so incredibly soft and inviting.

• sometimes i go to the grocery store and i don't know whether i recognize a particular brand from america or china. it's getting to be a little bit disconcerting.

• hurrying. americans are constantly running to get somewhere. i noticed this first with my one american student. he kept getting in trouble for pushing in line as we walked down the hallway. when i asked him why he was pushing, he replied, "he's not going fast enough!" where are we going that is so important? and what are we missing along the way? partly it's the cops but partly it's a shift in perspective that has mitigated my need for speed.

• and, finally, the sky. have you noticed lately how incredibly beautiful it is? fluffy white clouds...bright blue sky...stars! every time i look up i feel like i am in a fairy tale. this can't possibly be real. and yet it is. every ravishing square inch.

all in all, it feels mostly normal to be home. just with some new perspective.